Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
