But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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