I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
