she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
