Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize