I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
