Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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