Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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