Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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