my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
