We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
