i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
