i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
