I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
