let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
