I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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