I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
