who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
zippers are such a cool invention
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
