i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
