One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry about my life...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
