After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
