I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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