That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
