dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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