I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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