My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
