So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
