Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
