how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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