I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
