he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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