Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
as a side note pls kill me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
