i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
