do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
3pm strippers are depressing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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