Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
