i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
where are my eyebrows?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
