I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
