she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
