...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
