She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
