I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
