I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
