so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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