my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
