You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
did i walk over a car last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize