Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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