I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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