I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
