Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize