Yo dont text me then not text me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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