I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will pee on everything he values.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
