there's paper in my vomit.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
