Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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