I didn't shave. On purpose
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
