I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
