i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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