i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
