So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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