I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
