I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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