Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
