in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
