I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
