would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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