new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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