hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize