and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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