well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
