You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
