I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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