she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
