So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
