i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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