He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
