fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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