I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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