Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
